Monday, 20 October 2014

You wear it? Well...

Episode 2 – 16th October 2014

Hello, hello! It’s good to be back. If only that phrase hadn’t been sullied. We’d all want to say it all the time. I’m claiming it’s a 90s reference because I’m well 90s and I think it’s about time Oasis reclaimed that Gary Glitter reference and made it their own. I often wonder how much of Glitter’s income Oasis are personally responsible for. One can only claim that they’re making the same calculations and feeling thoroughly ashamed of themselves. Well, that’s a good starting point for self shame for them.

But I digress. Some things never change. I can’t stick to the topic and Lord Alan Sir Suga Suga Suga STILL insists that the best way to find someone to go into business with is to find a gang of idiots and make them be idiots for our own amusement, then arbitrarily pick the one he likes best/would most like to have a private meeting with. It seems like only yesterday when Rad talked talked you through the introduction to this year’s idiots, because it was. YES! Auntie Beeb knows when she’s on to a good thing and has thoroughly spoiled us this week with not one, but TWO hours of people being utter utter bellpieces on prime time television. WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE.
We begin with the usual, he doesn’t want anyone soft, and 20 “Entrepreneurs” are going to make their parent’s thoroughly ashamed for money. The previews of the following weeks seem interesting though.

The recap of yesterday shows that we still shouldn’t be over the SHOCKING fact that there are slightly more candidates this year. All the better to confuse me with, my dear. T-Shirtgate is brought up and we see Scott and Robert get a potentially portentous roasting again. (SPOILER – DUH). Still though, there are 19 of these idiots left.

Day two and the phone rings at 5.20am. Someone who is not a bare chested bloke runs to the phone, much to the disappointment of the nation. It’s Velma-negative Jemma, who takes a bit of recognising without her GHD-d within an inch of its life bob and glasses. Lord Sir Sugar wants them at Imperial College and the cars are arriving in 20 minutes. Does this man never sleep? Sarah hopes that whoever is the project manager today does as well as she did, which I can only take to mean ‘manages to scrape through enough to be slightly less shit than the boys”. She wants to win again. Because she’s a WINNER.

Meanwhile, the boys groom in their bedroom and make their hair directional. Solomon wonders aloud how many people could be fired today. His guess is up to three. Daniel, who is currently my special favourite boy, hopes that lots of people get fired because that can only improve his chances. THAT’S WINNING TALK. The Apprenti-cars arrive and we begin the back seat bitching. James Hill, the one that looks a bit like Mark Wright, the other one, says that he wants to smash it out the park because he’s a terrible, terrible cliché. Solomon just wants to beat the girls because he doesn’t want to be humiliated again. Oh we’re playing this game, are we? Scott looks wistfully out the window, clearly wanting to distance himself as much as possible from all the sexism. Good lad.

Londonporn shows us that we’re clearly nearing our destination, which is Imperial College, LONDON. This is allegedly a centre for engineering and technology. Let’s see how quickly that gets ruined. LordSirAlan arrives on his teeny little legs and welcomes them all. He then goes on to inform them that Imperial College is a centre for innovation and technology over the last century. His researcher has told him that wearable technology is now a thing so this is what today’s task is going to be about. Not only will they have to come up with an innovative idea, they have to make it look nice. They will then have to pitch their wares to three different retailers and the team with the most sales will win and from the other, at least one will be fired. AT LEAST ONE! DID YOU HEAR THAT? THEY’VE GOT EXTRAS AND HE’S GONE ROGUE.

Then LordSirSugar strongly suggests that because Robert was such a “Shoreditch Loving Person” (trans. Bellend) that would be the target victim audience for such a product, maybe he might like to think about being the PM. It’s phrased like a question but anyone with eyes or ears can clearly see that it’s not a question. Let’s hope he takes the hint. (SPOILER – AHAHAHA) He wishes them luck then sends them off.

The voiceover man explains that wearable tech is actually a real thing and not just something they’ve made up by talking about wearable workout measuring devices and headphones in hoodies, which should be one of Julie Andrews’ favourite thing. Now we’ve had wearable tech explained to us, it’s time for Cute Circuit to explain wearable tech to the candidates like they are five.  Apparently Wearable Technology should be beautiful and functional. This is illustrated by a miniskirt that lights up, to the astonishment of all the candidates.

The teams separate, Michael is already trying to wriggle out of the very strong suggestion that he should be PM, citing “reasons” as his excuse. Nick Hewer interviews that it takes a very brave man to ignore such a suggestion from Lord Sir and Michael had managed it within minutes. He continues to try and give reasons why he shouldn’t do it which culminate in him handing it to Solomon. Solomon actively grasps this poisoned chalice because he “works online in social media” which is a made up job if ever I heard one. In fact, from what he goes on to say about his work not occupying any physical space, I think he just means he does the twitter for his mate Gary’s roofing business. He also claims to have a good grasp of fashion. His outfit says otherwise. *rimshot*. Daniel is worried though. And Dreamy.

Scott puts himself forward because he’s been to a conference about wearable technology. The boys need no further discussion. He’s in. Sanjay is the only one that’s a little bit worried about Michael ignoring the Sugarlord but he’s ignored as Nick Hewer sucks on his pen in a manner which can only be described as smug.

Scott sets his stall out to the others. The bit he’s failed to mention when putting himself forward is that his background is clinical and he wants to have a wearable device that monitors diets. Daniel looks like he’s trying to eat his fist. Sanjay makes a face which portrays “Oh my god, I’ve made a terrible mistake” so perfectly that it can only be described as “Sandalwood”. Scott goes on to say that he would like to make something that could be worn all day and all night until the person goes to bed. I don’t think that’s how days and nights work, Scott, but nice try. Daniel shoots this one down by saying that he likes it, but it’s not exactly mass market, or possible until 10 years into the future. Scott interviews that he’s the kind of leader that points the finger when things go wrong. Oh the Sugarlord LOVES that. Why can’t anyone ON this show, WATCH this show? We then see him pointing fingers at everyone for coming up with ideas that are REAL and ACTUALLY POSSIBLE rather than his idea of a machine that tells you what you are eating like we’re in some fucked up episode of Futurama without any comic relief.  He then says healthcare and pharmaceutical again, then basically takes his ball back and tells them that if they can’t follow his orders, they have to come up with something themselves. This bodes so well.

Over with the female section of the programme, they’re still trying to come up with a slightly less shit team name. Tenacity and Pursuit come up, which is nearly Trivial Pursuit. They come up with Tenacity, which I have deliberately misheard as Tenacious D. [And also features the word TEN so I feel Nurun has been vindicated - Rad] Katie makes double sure that they all know what it means. Jemma assures her that it’s a good word. How in the hell can you go on this show and not know what Tenacious means? Katie then helpfully points out what kind of task it is and they all look at each other to see who is going to be project manager. Bianca looks like she’s waiting to be asked. She’s asked if her business idea is about fashion. Apparently, it’s about tights but she works as a stylist. ACTUALLY, she says, she manages a team of stylists and does “personal Branding” which sounds like a made up job if ever I heard one.  [It probably means she has a Facebook profile.  God I love Apprentice jobs - Rad] The finger is next pointed at Nurun, who is also apparently in fashion. “Asian Boutiques” apparently, which are totally different to this task, but aren’t actually a made up thing so Bianca sees this as her out saying that she’s more into knowing what’s trendy. Nurun insists that she’s more retail but Katie insists that her job is about “looking at things” which could be the job description for lots of things. Ella also sees this as a way out of any sort of PM duties and insists that Nurun is the one who can lead Tenacious D to victory via the medium of looking at things. Nurun cedes and says she’ll do it if everyone thinks she can. She then interviews that she isn’t happy about his whilst Lindsay, who manages to have 80s eyeshadow and 90s hair, gives her a look that’s 100% playground bully daring her to refuse to flush her own head down the toilet. Nurun thinks others would be better.

Meanwhile, the boys are still devoid of ideas. Scott’s plan as a project manager is to shout at everyone that they’re all talking at once. Solomon’s idea is light up leggings. Honestly. Sanjay wants a tshirt that has a screen on it that you can send a photo to. Well done boys, you’ve invented the Tellytubbies. Solomon gives him an actual eyeroll, and Scott agrees.

Tenacious D have decided that women wear jackets and jackets... wait for it... could warm things up. HOW ARE WE NOT FUNDING THIS? Lindsay thinks this jacket that warms things could also CHANGE COLOUR. Bianca thinks it could do both. Wow. Britain’s brightest business brains.

Market Research time! In the boys’ car, Not that Mark Wright is leading the bitching about Scott. Sanjay would like more ideas to put on the table but they don’t have any because Scott’s a whiny git. The girls subteam, led by Bianca, are doing market research on New Bond St. Tenacious D interview a woman in a bright yellow jacket about whether she would like to wear a bright yellow jacket. She says yes. Go figure. The other half of the girls are pitching to professionals. Katie is leading the pitch, they love the heated jacket idea but don’t want the lapels. Ella suggests solar panels so your jacket can charge your phone. Katie phones up the sub team and tells them that for the love of god, the people who know what they are talking about think that light-up lapels are a terrible idea. Bianca combats this by saying that they spoke to one woman in a yellow jacket who thought that a light up lapel would be excellent, and clearly the opinion of that one woman is more important than a room full of people WHO KNOW WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT.  Nurun cedes, and says that it should be light up, but subtle. Lauren interviews that Nurun is trying too hard to please everyone and needs to lead.

Over with the boys, they’re in London’s Trendy Hoxton (which isn’t Shoreditch) trying to pitch the Tellytubby costume to a focus group. The group look at them like he’s some kind of competition winner and tell them that they’ve invented a novelty, rather than a fashion item. The other half of the team are looking at fabric. Apparently Robert is an aspiring fashion retailer. Oh, the ticks in the No column aren’t half stacking up for him tonight. The sub team call Scott and feed back to him. Apparently, this Resonates with Robert and he’s given the phone by Scott because he’s the one that knows what he’s talking about. Not That Mark Wright interviews that Scott is a rubbish leader and can’t make any decisions, but Robert is no better because he should be the one Project Managing but is a great big shirker. My lovely Daniel then takes control and says that they’re definitely going for the Tellytubby idea and he’s had enough of their bullshit. He even tells the other boys not to stoop to the level of the rest of the team.  *SIGH*. SHARDPORN.

Half of Tenacious D are with the designers. Pamela seems to be taking control of the situation. Probably because she had a Fashion Wheel when she was a kid, or for some other tenuous reason. Nurun looks confused and tells them to add the technology. The designer begs them to reconsider their disaster of a jacket. Lauren goes back to the “market research” supporting the lights and insist that they are a feature. Katie pushes on all the functions. Nurun tries to make a decision whilst everyone shouts at her. Ella thinks she has no control over the stronger characters as this is beautifully illustrated by her having a near nervo over the whole thing. Katie takes control as she’s wearing a fashionable watch and insists on the LED lapels as Nurun waves her hands.

Half of the boys are now with the designer. It’s the half that doesn’t contain the Project Manager. They tell the designer that they would quite like to make a Tellytubby, please. Sadly, some would say obviously, it’s been done. NotThat Mark Wright suggests jumper with LED’s on it. Robert, who is not the project manager, takes charge and says that they can’t just have a light up jumper, it’s got to stand out. The sub team make faces at this whilst Scott blathers on about coming to him with solutions and not problems and they’ve got to make it work. There’s a Mexican wave of facepalms and headdesks as they realise that they have called what they thought was the organ grinder but have the monkey. I would say that the whole idea being already taken was a problem that the PM would have to deal with but what do I know about BZNZ. Scott’s half of the team collectively kiss their teeth whilst the other half ask for some time to come up with something else regroup to look at their contingency.

Over with Tenacious D, Katie is still taking control of the design and interviews to that effect, because funnily enough, when you bully someone into being PM when they don’t really know what they’re doing, they might not know what they’re doing.  The girls are wondering where the best place for solar panels on a jacket might be. Prime time TV, everyone. Ella wants them on the shoulder, but Bianca tells her that you can’t have stiff arms on a jacket and that she should stop trying to make stiff arms happen. Ella then comes up with shoulders. Nurun phones the subteam to tell them to put the solar panels on the shoulders under the fabric, but Katie reminds her that solar panels undercover a about as useful as, well, solar panels undercover. Lindsay is equally disgusted and nearly takes off her blue mascara facepalming.

Robert is leading the team, much like a PM, when we go back to the boys. Robert is talking about where he sees the logo on their sweatshirt. Yes. The best business brains in Britain have decided that a sweatshirt is the way forward. The other half of the team aren’t faring so well. They still can’t decide what their contingency is, and James has taken to just shouting about it randomly as my future husband Daniel holds his head and Sanjay does some more shouting. Nick Hewer interviews that there should be a sub team manager and by heck, he’s right. He feels that this chaos is in his top ten chaoses of all time and he’s not wrong. Sanjay takes decisive action and says that they’ve got to come up with something soon. James decides that a sweatshirt with a camera in it is a good idea, to take videos of your days out at theme parks. I think that it would be more for POV pr0n and stalking but the team take the “shit idea is better than none” approach and jump on it. [How would you even wash this jumper?  So much fail I can't even... - Rad] Sanjay comes up with an “On Air” brand which will come on when you’re recording, so that you can’t stalk in private. James then interviews that they’ve done all the bladdy work. Not that Mark Wright backs this up, IN FRONT OF THE DESIGNER and leads the boys in a bitching session about how Scott should’ve been involved. James thinks he’s done his best. We’ll see.

Everything done, the prototypes get made overnight. At 9am, everyone is sat round waiting for their products to arrive. The boy’s stalky shirt is called an EmotiShirt. Robert says he quite likes it in a tone that suggests he’s surprised. Fillipe is worried that it looks a bit like a Christmas jumper. He’s not wrong.  Nick interviews his shock that they’ve actually managed to get something sellable out of all the chaos.

Tenacious D’s jacket is too complicated to be made in time so Nurun decides to deal with this by yet again introducing her face to her palm and not really doing anything about it. Lauren bitchterviews that it was trying to be all things to ALL OF THEIR MOANING FACES so it’s obvious that it wasn’t going to be ready. That’s some seriously good business insight there. You saw a disaster happening and did nothing about it. They’ve still got to pitch though, and it’s probably going to be a disaster.

Over with the boys, everyone on the subteam is telling Scott why he’s rubbish and all Scott can do is bat it back to them, saying that they obviously are a bunch of bedwetters if they need to run every decision by their manager. I think what they’re more trying to say is that they didn’t want to do all the work whilst their so called PM was choosing sweatshirt fabric. James tries to explain to him that all they wanted was to know that they are ok to make decisions about the project without the project manager. Sanjay then has a go at Robert for shirking the responsibility of being PM then backseat driving the entire way. Robert squirms in his seat whilst Scott tries to talk his way out of it. Lovely Daniel just wants everyone to get a grip and get on with it.

Tenacious D’s jacket arrives and they have called it, wait for it, Little Smart Jacket. The solar panels aren’t covered. So they can see the sun. Bianca hates this and demands to know why nobody told her solar panels have to be exposed to the sun. I can’t even. All this whilst everyone else is cooing at the shape of the jacket. Like that is even a thing that matters. Ella Jade realises that they’re screwed and weakly suggests that they should just shut up and work with what they have. Yes, I would like to get on with this please. Nurun interviews that Katie and Ella were all very happy to have taken control and got all bossy yesterday but now they don’t like the product, they’re blaming her. CAN WE PLEASE HAVE PEOPLE ON THIS PROGRAMME THAT HAVE SEEN THIS PROGRAMME. The pointless arguing continues. Jemma takes control and tries to insist that the solar panels gaffer taped to the shoulder of the jacket are stripes and that’s their story and their sticking to it.

In the boy’s car, “social media specialist” Solomon is looking at Windows Media player and shouting out numbers about the videos. Daniel basically calls him a twat. He’s not wrong. First pitch is JD Sports, led by Scott and Sanjay. Sanjay insists that a jumper with a camera isn’t creepy whilst Steven shows the increasingly baffled team the video. The video is sideways. JD Sports ask if the video can be rotated. Scott pretends to know that it can whilst Steven actually turns round the laptop. [Steven <3 -="" .="" beginning="" do="" have="" i="" lso="" man="" many="" names="" nbsp="" of="" rad="" s="" so="" the="" why="" with="">Scott asks him if he’s happy with the presentation through gritted teeth. He is. Great.

Next up, Tenacious D are in Shoreditch talking to Firebox, which sounds like a Popbitch nickname. Ella is pitching. She says the jacket solves three problems, one of which is already solved by the concept of jackets. The jacket is warming up! Sarah invites everyone to touch her. They don’t want to touch her. They go on to the second and third functions, which are the phone charger and the lights, which are apparently for attracting potential lovers. Firebox rightly ask why they didn’t just concentrate on phone charging. Lauren handles this like a pro and says that just because the jacket does everything, doesn’t mean everyone has to use all the functions. Karren thinks it’s a novelty item. She says that if they like it they’ll buy it, and if they don’t, the team may have a problem. Thanks for that input, Karen. Helpful.

Finally! We get to see Roisin! She’s only modelling a jacket but yay! She’s here. She’s wearing the jacket to JD Sports whilst Bianca knocks over the flipchart. The boys subteam, with Daniel are doing excellently. He’s leading them all in a delightful little pep talk Robert looks so smug that I want to hit him. Daniel then interviews that he’s a successful market trader, but then breaks my heart by calling himself a selling machine and killing all my lovely thoughts about him. Why do that to me, Daniel? Eh? Daniel thinks the jumper could be a brand. The people they are pitching to think it’s a Christmas jumper and girls won’t want to wear it if it means people staring at their boobs all day long. All Daniel can do is agree and call it a novelty item. The man they are pitching  to wonders about the legal implications of wearing a jumper with a camera on it to, say, a nightclub. Daniel explains this by saying that it’s not really for wearing in public.

*awkward silence*

So! James and Solomon would totally wear it on a night out! Yeah they would! Daniel then says that he would wear it during the day and James is so crazy, he can’t even think about the day time. Oh dear oh dear oh dear. Not that Mark Wright can’t quite believe that Daniel said he wouldn’t wear their product in public. Daniel disagrees and said that he only said that he wouldn’t wear it on a night out.  I can sort of see his point, because who even wears a jumper to a nightclub anyway? Solomon tells him nobody is having a go at him. Daniel doesn’t see it like that and gets a bit fighty and I love him again. I’m so fickle. James just thinks he needs telling.

Last stop for both teams is John Lewis. Scott is selecting his best boys and wants to know how the subteam went. Daniel tells Scott that it went well. Not that Mark Wright disagrees and calls his error of saying that he wouldn’t wear the jumper in a public place “fundamental”. He’s got a point. Daniel disagrees and tries to squirm out by saying that he said he wouldn’t wear it in a public place AT NIGHT. Scott looks like he wants to lamp him.  The girls aren’t faring much better. Nurun is giving the type of pitch that would indicate that not only has she never given a pitch before, she’s never used words or her mouth to say them. Karren isn’t impressed. Scott wants to know that apart from Scott saying that he wouldn’t wear his own product in public, how did he do. Mark Wright calls it poor. Nurun fumbles her way to the end to be asked if the battery is charged solely by the solar panels. Lauren answers for her. They’re not impressed. Back with the boys and Scott is picking his dream team of Mark, Solomon, Robert and Daniel. Scott is going to finish up. James isn’t impressed that the only weak link is on the A Team. Daniel is trying to say that the red light on the jumper is going to be an icon. Robert wants to make privacy history. John Lewis respond by saying that privacy certainly isn’t history for their customers and suggest that the jumper may actually be a danger to small children. Robert still insits that jumpers with cameras are going to happen and that it’s a matter of who is first. Scott thinks they smashed it. They didn’t.

Tonight! Orders will be counted and the truth laid bare. BOARDROOM!

In the boardroom, the tech is out for everyone to avoid looking at. Christ, it’s shit. Lord SirSugar arrives and asks Tenacious D about their new name. Jemma says it was her idea because it’s all about what they are like.  He then goes on to ask Nurun why she’s project manager. She said she was bullied into it and she doesn’t even know what she’s doing there anyway. LordSir isn’t impressed that she’s mainly into selling scarves and that his paper round didn’t make him Rupert Murdoch. THIS IS THE POINT THAT SHE IS MAKING. He then asks Bianca why she didn’t go for it. She said that her skills aren’t in styling even though that’s her job. She then says that it’s more Nurun’s job and she then says Asian Boutiques a few more times. Bianca then tries to make her look like a tit by saying that it’s still a shop that sells clothes. Nurun says that she may have been able to do better if it was about turbans or burkas. [OMG can you IMAGINE if tmaking those was a challenge on this show? - Rad] Lordsir isn’t impressed and asks Bianca if she is or isn’t wanting to do tights for a business which is fashion as far as he’s’ concerned. Bianca then says that the basis of the task was technology and it’s unfair of him to expect her to PM. She says this without irony. Lordsir can’t be doing with the bullshit and tells her that scarves aren’t technology either and that Bianca stitched her up. He wants to move on though, and asks Nurun to talk her through the jacket. She shows him the solar panels and he thinks it’s all a bit 80s and Dallas. Bianca says that this wasn’t’ her idea and that she wanted the solar panels covered. FAIL BIANCA! Any fule no that solar panels have to be exposed to work. They then move on to the phone charger and the lights which LordSir can’t see the point in.

He wants to know who briefed the designers for the monstrosity. Nurun rightly fingers Katie. She then sees that her jacket is shit and blames Nurun for lack of structure whilst Nurun chews the inside of her cheek. She jumps on Katie and Ella for taking over and says that if she wanted to be the boss of her she should’ve taken on the PM job. Lauren is the only voice of reason and says that Nurun failed when she tried to please everyone and everything has ended up too complicated. Lordsir wonders how they got on in the pitches. They think it went well. We’ll see.

Over at the boys, daddy isn’t impressed that Scott was PM when he asked Robert and asks him to explain himself. Robert says that he didn’t PM because the ShitStalkyJumper was clearly a high street product and that isn’t Robert’s area. Daddy then gets out his REZOOMAY which says he will lead tasks about branding, advertising and design and if that isn’t this task he doesn’t bladdy know what is. Robert says that  if it was a £5000 product and they were pitching it to a posh shop it totally would be his thing. YET AGAIN. WATCH THE SHOW BEFORE YOU GO ON IT YOU BUNCH OF IDIOTS. Mark Wright says that they tried to get Robert to do it. Robert says they didn’t and it was all about Scott. LordSir thinks he bottled it. He then moves on to Scott and says that he put himself forward despite being in biochemistry. Scott said he did it because nobody else did. He then points the finger at Solomon, wondering why he, as someone with a technology business plan, didn’t go for it. He says it’s because he does social media from his bedroom in his mum’s house  purely online. Doesn’t matter though, because he’s disappointed in everyone. They talk through the POV Pr0n jumper. Scott invites Solomon to give the technical details, which amount to him using words like “SD card” and “battery pack” then explains that the lights light up. Lordsir just says “it’s a jumper with a camera in it” and yep. It is. The only thing it does is redefines “I saw you coming”. It’s hard to argue.

To the results! Karren feeds back that John Lewis liked the girls’ pitch, which is weird because it’s the one that Nurun did. However, they thought the jacket was beyond help so no orders. The boys’ product had “no place in their store”. Over to JD Sports, the girls didn’t give them a sports product so no orders. The boy’s product also has no place in JD Sports. Finally, Firebox hate the girls’ lights but want to get their name on telly so they’re ordering 250. No orders for the boys. The girls have it!

LordSir declares the girls the winners but he isn’t convinced. Karren says it’s just as well they won because Sarah and Lindsey didn’t do anything. She’d like to see more of the tenacious in Tenacious D.  They’re off to Surrey Docks to do some flying above water.

He’s very upset with the boys though, particularly as there were people who could’ve done better. He also doesn’t want everyone scapegoating Robert for the sake of it so he’s going to make it easy. He doesn’t like bottlers so Robert is CRASH!FIRED! Oh dear. I could get used to this. He thanks daddy for his punishment then leaves. May your socks-less frame never darken the doorstep again. There’s going to be at least one more firing, because he has no time for deadwood. In the taxi, Robert and his mustard scarf insist that fashion is a spectrum and that a canoe isn’t a yacht, or some bollocks. I don’t care. NEXT.

Cut to the girls putting on wetsuits and Nurun making digs about teamwork. She doesn’t care that it’s a hollow victory, it’s still totally a victory, thanks. Katie interviews that she’s not shying away from Project Management any more. Oh good. Over at the Loser’s Cafe, it’s all a bit tense. Mark Wright is still the voice of reason in that the product was just a jumper with a camera in it and it’s all Scott’s fault for losing control of the task at the start. They had no sales and no direction. Scott then says he’s deciding who goes into the boardroom so he wants to know what went wrong. He somewhat aggressively interviews that he’s put his balls on the line being PM and he’s going to fight until the cows come home. He can’t decide whether it’s Solomon or Robert’s fault, the latter all being a bit moo. Like a cow coming home’s opinion.

Back in the boardroom, LordSir declares the boys' product totally rubbish. He wants to know what happened. Scott says that he wanted to go in a health direction but nobody listened to him. LordSir says that’s no excuse and that his report from Nick is that he basically rolled over and abdicated responsibility at the first sign of trouble. Scott says that he totally didn’t hide away and he did it because nobody else does. Mark Wright rightly tells him that that is utter codswallop and that he banged on and on that he’d been to a conference and everything. Next, the finger goes to Solomon who says that his expertise are online and that Scott wanted to do it anyway. Lordsir is sick of bottlers and Solomon starts talking about light up running leggings out of nowhere. Nick then rightly says that it is a better idea but he didn’t stick up for it and drive it through. So who’s fault? James reckons Daniel’s shit pitch then his REZOOMAY is quoted back at him with all his salesman bollocks. He admits to making a mistake. LordSir wonders what that is. James then gets a bit hissy and says that a 26 year old man, pitching to his age range saying that he wouldn’t wear the product in public. Hold the phone, Daniel is 26? That’s one hella tough paper round. All he can do is admit his mistake and turn it around by saying that he meant not in a nightclub. James then goes on to say he agreed with all the issues. LordSir has a pop quiz for the pub quiz business man about the point of a pitch. It’s all about selling! Daniel thinks that it wasn’t the pitches fault, it was the shit product. James says that he came up with the product with no tech background. Mark Wright then said that the original idea of a Tellytubby was unfeasible and they were left with 15 minutes to come up with something. Scott is asked who he’s bringing back. He thinks that his ideas that were within his industry were ignored and Lord Sugar wants to know names. Karren tells him to stop covering his arse and name names. It’s Daniel and Solomon. The rest need to take a long, hard look at themselves. Agreed.

Team Lordalan chat. They don’t understand Scott and think he’s just a buck passer. Sounds like a good understanding to me. Solomon is the most technically advanced but wasn’t able to push his idea through. Daniel should’ve been able to sell but Karren is worried that the more sophisticated pitch isn’t his bag. Lord Sugar will see them now.

Why did Scott bring Daniel in? Well, because he didn’t sell any and was negative about the product. He said he was merely answering concerns about covert nightclub filming. LordSir is worried that he might not have any experience selling to trade as a market trader. Daniel doesn’t see this as the way out it’s intended to be and says that he does have experience and he sells his services to corporate companies. He still doesn’t get it. He says he can totally do it and he didn’t make  a concern. Scott is up next, and he’s in trouble for going off with the fashion team and coming up with something that needs something to cover your face to accompany it. Daniel says that the tech team did all of that anyway. Nick goes further and says that all the fashion team did was make a grey sweatshirt. He’s not wrong. Everyone but Scott is in agreement that he should’ve been with the tech team. He blames Solomon for this who says that not all technology is the same and there’s a world of difference between doing twitter for your mate’s burger van and designing terrible, terrible jumper. Scott still isn’t biting though, and says that he was actively trying not to hide by taking on the PM job and that should be taken into account. He then goes into full “well, if I’m going down...” mode and has another go at Daniel for not wearing the restraining order jumper in public and for Solomon being an expert in the wrong kind of technology. Scott’s got more to prove but Daniel thinks he’s rubbish anyway.

LordSir then sums up by saying that Scott was a bit of an idiot to take on the PM role and he should not have gone into a terrible huff when his idea was rejected and then hidden from everything. It could also be about lack of sales from Daniel or from Solomon not getting his ideas across and he needs to man up. Daniel’s got to get better at selling but Scott didn’t lead the team in the first place because he was too busy having a tantrum. It’s for this reason that he’s fired. BYE THEN.

The other two are dismissed. LordSir thinks he had to go and that the boys need to pull their socks up in general. Scott has a lovely scarf and taxiterviews that he takes the accusation of hiding very seriously, in a manner that suggests that he’s waiting behind AMS1 with a shard of a Gingie Bottle (I can say that, I’m Scottish.) Back at the house, everyone is very shocked to hear that Robert got his marching orders without warning. James thinks that Daniel will be fired for messing the pitch up and looks shocked when he returns. Daniel even asks him. He can’t reply with actual words.

NEXT WEEK! Home fragrance. You’ve got me again for that so I’ll see you then. 


Mcflooze said...

Am I the only person who found Scott's facial expressions quite scarily aggressive? Eyes of a killer, that one.

Helen said...

Oh my god. Chilling.

Kaylie said...

I'm so glad you're back <3 Excellent review, double excellent Friends reference, The Apprentice wouldn't be the same without this blog.